Wednesday, March 10, 2010

He is here, and he is loved

The first time I saw this picture was after I knew I was Jake's mom but before we left for China. These are children at my son's orphanage in 2007 (the woman who took them visited around the time Jake would have been 1 year old). We had heard some bad things about his orphanage that had gone on in recent years and not many good, updated things. I remember I couldn't see very clearly the boy in the background lying his head on his walker, and I thought, "Please don't let that be my son." I didn't want him to be sickly or malnourished as some of the children I'd heard of and seen.
Well, we went to China, and Jake was healthy and anything but sickly. We always will be grateful for the care he received in the first two years of his life at Jiangzhang SWI. It wasn't like the love his family gives him, but we know they cared for our boy.
After we had been home for several months, I saw this photo again, and the way the little boy laid his head on his walker struck me as familiar, and this time I was excited in thinking that was my son (albeit a sleepy little Jake). I started looking for other photos with this boy in them and the result can be seen in the previous post.
Thank you all for your responses here and on Facebook. Three different people said picture 3 convinced them it was Jake. We, too, believe it is Jake, but we never will know.

These pictures have taught me a valuable life lesson.
I struggle with my faith from time to time (my personal joke is if the Rapture comes I hope it is on one of my good days). Seriously, though I believe in Jesus and love to study the Gospels and New Testament books, but sometimes the Old Testament brings me down. There are tales that present good life lessons, but they seem, at times, to be just stories, or myths, too fantastical to believe. (I admit I have a lot of studying and learning to do.) Science and technology of today, along with many non-believers' scorn of religion, work to convince me in my weaker moments that maybe there could be no heaven. I fight it, but the devil walks with me at times. I try to find something to convince me that it is all true. I tell myself, as in Job, that who am I to question God? I am like a bug is to humans, and I don't understand.
While sitting in church pondering my obsession with these photos of Jake (sorry Gene, it was a momentary lapse brought on by something you said in your sermon), I suddenly realized it doesn't matter whether or not those photos are Jake (although I still am obsessed with studying them) because he is here now and that's all that matters.
Take it to scripture, and it suddenly doesn't matter I have issues with the Old Testament because Jesus is alive and he is my savior.
Anyway, that's my epiphany, for what it's worth :)
These photos will be saved and discussed in the future. We cannot prove these pictures are Jake, but we will make sure it doesn't matter, because he will know we are real and he is loved.

1 comment:

Jolene and Dan Powell said...

Beautifully stated Violet. I enjoyed reading your post. Thank you so much for sharing your heart!